It came to my attention just a few minutes prior to writing this, that a dear friend of mine is starting to experience auditory and visual hallucinations. I myself have been experiencing them, at least auditory, since I was at least seven years old. It’s no easy thing to live with, temporarily or permanently as I have been. They can be loud, soft, stubborn or weak. Seldom does it ever make sense to me, as I am sure for her as well. Some days more terrifying than others.

For me at least, as said, I experience auditory hallucinations. Most days they are loud, crying-like non-descript screaming. They make me cry, they make me flinch, they remind me of the worst times. Other days- they replay the worst days of my life, something I’ve never admitted before, but they talk to me as if the current day is that day; adjusting for variables. These are the hardest to deal with, a lot of the time as a result- they affect my mood quite a lot and it takes strong coping skills to deal with it.

Coping with them for me often means one-on-one calls, going on walks, something to remind me what the present- not past looks like. Whether that past is a few minutes ago, I need to be in the absolute present. Reminded that what happened then won’t happen now. And I need it done in an organic way without direct assurances. So what I often do is hit up friends and just ask them to relax, chill, talk nonsensically about anything. Again, reminding me where I am now in the absolute present, not where I was a moment ago. Why? Because things are always going to change, why not change for the better?

Living with it is almost impossible, but we take our steps and breathe. Reminding of us not what could be, but what is. We live not where we were, but what we are. These hallucinations only serve to remind me that I exist, painful as it may be. I exist and they do not. I am a promise of today, they are my worst fears and they do not define me. I pray it does not define you too…